TurkoTek Discussion Boards

Subject  :  ha ha!
Author  :  Yon Bard mailto:%20doryon@rcn.com
Date  :  12-03-2000 on 09:40 a.m.
1) What other types of ruggies deserve a horrible death?

Those who don't believe in the internal elem

Subject  :  Re:ha ha!
Author  :  Steve Price mailto:%20sprice@hsc.vcu.edu
Date  :  12-03-2000 on 10:22 a.m.
Dear Yon,

Cut us a little slack, man!

Steve Price

Subject  :  Re:ha ha!
Author  :  Jerry Silverman mailto:%20rug_books@silvrmn.com
Date  :  12-03-2000 on 09:09 p.m.
Okay. I'll take this under advisement. Are there any suggestions for how the internal elem can be the source of an ironic death? Just not believing in it doesn't get the coroner called.


Subject  :  Re:ha ha!
Author  :  Yon Bard mailto:%20doryon@rcn.com
Date  :  12-04-2000 on 09:50 a.m.
There is a fanatic sect, the last remaining offshoot of the old order of assassins, living in a remote oasis in the Kara Kum desert. The internal elem is their emblem. Once a year they kidnap 50 virgin weavers from various tribes and sort them into two groups: those who were brought up to include internal elems in their rugs are set to work weaving very large ok-bashes with a prominent internal elem in the design. The maidens who do not believe in the internal elem are sewn into the ok-bashes and dumped into the Amu Daria river.
Sometimes these bags are washed up on the shore where they are found by unscrupulous rug pickers, who dump their grisly contents and ship the bags to interested collectors. Dr. Uukbash of Chicago is one of these collectors, and being a specialist in forensic medicine he soon notices suspicious human remains -hairs, bits of skin, etc. - clinging to the tassels of his new ok bash. He calls the police, and the rest is up to you, Jerry.

Regards, Yon

Subject  :  Re:ha ha!
Author  :  Michael Marlowe mailto:%20wendorfm@home.com
Date  :  12-04-2000 on 02:14 p.m.
Dear Jerry:

This is a story about the nether or lower world, something which any Chicagoan should immediately feel a connection. In any event, the charismatic, clever and conniving Chicago carpet dealer (note the C gul sub-theme), not content to sell over-priced decorative carpets to the Chicago elite, grasps onto the internal elem as a means to sell battered, poorly drawn and mistake filled carpets purchased for a song to starry eyed collectors with deep pockets and connections. The dealer enjoys great initial success. Meanwhile, the internal elem theory is exposed as a hoax by a little known professor at, let's say, Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. The clear and conniving dealer has promised all his clients that if they ever wish to sell their expensive rags, being the seemingly self-confident fellow he is, he will buy them back. His customers are irate and demand he do so. Unable to maintain the facade, he declares bankruptcy. Certain of his customers believe in extra-judicial justice resulting in a strange death caused by asphyxiation. Condemed to perdition, the rug dealer learns to his eternal regret that there is an internal elem and that he now inhabits it.

Best, Michael Marlowe Wendorf

Subject  :  Re:ha ha!
Author  :  Steve Price mailto:%20sprice@hsc.vcu.edu
Date  :  12-04-2000 on 02:50 p.m.
Dear Michael,

Did you intend for your final sentence to say "internal elem" (which is what it says), or "Infernal Elem" (which seems more appropriate to that scenario)?

Little known professor, indeed!

Steve Price

Subject  :  Re:ha ha!
Author  :  Michael Marlowe mailto:%20wendorfm@home.com
Date  :  12-04-2000 on 03:24 p.m.

Those darn infernal elems! And you have probably "inferred" the method of asphysxia by now too.

Infernally yours, Marlowe

Subject  :  Re:ha ha!
Author  :  Filiberto Boncompagni mailto:%20filibert@go.com.jo
Date  :  12-05-2000 on 08:13 a.m.
Dear Yon, Jerry,

Why not? This could be an idea for another novel.

Mr. Bon Yard, a ruggie highly disappointed by the reactions of some participants at "Turcotec" discussion board to a weird theory of him (about something called "internal elem") decides to take revenge.

Using a photo editing software he works on different images of the Dudin collection producing a very attractive "virtual" Tekke asmalyk. Then he posts it on Turcotec Show & Tell using a false identity (Daniel Poirot) as a newcomer to the rug world (and using, of course, an ad hoc hotmail address).

"Auntie Anne passed away a month ago and I found this inside a chest in her basement. Can you please tell me what is it and if it is worth something? Regards etc." In the subsequent postings he hints between the lines that he is willing to sell the rug.

Some of Turcotec ruggies e-mail him privately making offers. Then Bon Yard starts a sadistic e-mail secret game with three of them who refused to accept the "internal elem" theory, making them believe they are on the brink of acquiring the rug, but he had a better offer etc.

After two weeks (the length of a Turcotec Salon) Mr. Yard decides that the time is ripe for the death of his foes.

He offers them the possibility to see the rug before the purchase - he is willing to mail them (each one of them is not aware of the others, of course) the asmalyk - if they like it then they can buy it! He trusts them "as a distinguished gentleman should trust another" and so on.

Yard sadistically buys (disguised) 3 cheap small Pakistani Bokaras, sprinkles them with a powerful poison (Ricin should be OK), packs them and mails them (disguised again). Two of the victims die a slow, painful death. One of them, a certain Mr. Vincent Price dies of a merciful heart attack at the very sight of the Pakistani rug.

As in every detective story, the felon should be caught. In this case the police stumbles on a "Daniel Poirot" e-mail on one of the victim’s open computers. Then the FBI is able to trace the electronic trail of the e-mail to Bon Yard’s computer.

Every reference to real persons and/or events is purely accidental.


Philibert V. (Vance) Boncompagni

Subject  :  Re:ha ha!
Author  :  Steve Price mailto:%20sprice@hsc.vcu.edu
Date  :  12-05-2000 on 08:48 a.m.
Dear Jerry,

If you're accepting nominations for an interim award for best contribution to this Salon, I think Filiberto is waaaaay out in front of the pack at the moment.

Steve Price

Subject  :  Re:ha ha!
Author  :  Marvin Amstey mailto:%20mamstey1@rochester.rr.com
Date  :  12-05-2000 on 06:08 p.m.
I'll second that!(with no offense to Mr. Yard, since I had little interest in internal elems whether they are there or not)

Subject  :  Re:ha ha!
Author  :  Filiberto Boncompagni mailto:%20filibert@go.com.jo
Date  :  12-06-2000 on 03:57 a.m.

It is working, you see?

About point 4): What kind of response do you imagine there’d be from the rest of the rug world as they discerned a serial killer moving around them?

Selling of textiles on E-bay and similar e-commerce sites collapses.
Internet rug-related discussion boards almost grind to a halt.
Wearing gloves become a new fashion between rug dealers and ruggies.
Carpet washers become more and more wealthier.

Philibert V. Boncompagni

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